When I was 17 years old, I wrote a 162 pg movie script in 5 months.

And I did it for a girl.

Here's why this was a mistake:

Backstory:

It was the spring of 2013. I was a senior in an all-boys high school and a member of the spring musical. The best part?

The musicals, where were nerdy high school boys (like me), met girls

I met a girl and, after a few dates, I thought she was "the one".

The evidence:

• We both played guitar

• We both liked old movies

• We both resonated over being old souls

I was quickly swept away by the "what ifs".

• What if were destined to be together forever?

• What if she's my soul mate?

• What if...?

All our dates played out like Linklater movies.

She became my muse and the creative influence was flowing through me quicker than my teenage testosterone.

I very quickly found myself writing poetry, and music, and thinking about her non-stop.

That was until it all ended...

Suddenly.

I threw my graduation cap into the air and looked down to see a blank phone screen...It had been days since she texted me.

Fate works in funny ways and that day we bumped into each other unexpectedly at a friend's graduation party.

"I can't see you anymore"

The words came out rushed. Tears pooled up in her eyes.

I was a senior going to college and she was a sophomore continuing the rest of her high school journey. Her parents had forbidden it.

The record scratched. My heart skipped a beat. I felt like my life had ended. Why was fate so cruel?

I did what any desperate and heartbroken boy would do: I wrote a movie about her.

It was all-consuming. I wrote every day for 5 months straight. Sometimes 12 hours at a time. Sunrise to sunset. By the time I was finished, I had 162 pages cataloging our entire relationship.

However, too much time had passed...She was starting her junior year and I was off to college.

I had just seen "The Notebook" and - still believing that movies were accurate mirrors of reality - put the script away in a box. I told myself I'd wait 7 years before opening it up again. By then, we'd be back together (that was the plan at least).

I did end up meeting up with her years later, but before we get there...

The problem with all of this?

I wasn't in love with this girl. I was attached to the idea of her.

ONE-ITIS

One-itis is a mind virus that infects all men at some point in their lives.

What is one-itis?

It's a scarcity-based mindset where you hypnotize yourself into a fantasy. You fixate on someone, project onto someone, and convince yourself that this person is your purpose, your reason for being. No one can ever live up to them. They are perfection. And if you could just be with this person, all your problems would fade away.

You would finally feel complete.

One-itis can happen with:

• Someone you've never met

• Someone you've briefly met

• Someone you've broken up with

• Someone you're in a relationship with

It's an extremely toxic mindset.

Not only is it unhealthy, but it's also incredibly unattractive as it screams:

• Clinginess

• Neediness

• Co-dependency

The unfortunate reality is that it's pumped into mainstream consciousness via media and the idea of a "soul mate" or "the one".

When I saw Noah obsess over Ally in “The Notebook” my feelings were validated: she was "the one" and I had to wait for her.

My crush became my purpose.

All of my expectations, all my projections of who she was and who she could - who we could be - were projected onto her. The movie playing in my head was our perfect lives. And she was being used as the screen.

The unfortunate irony is that the more I got lost in this movie, the more I missed reality passing by before my eyes.

I waited 6 years before opening up that box; both the metaphorical box and the physical box containing the script I had written. It was 2019 and she had just graduated college.

I reached out to her and we planned to meet.

"It's all coming together", I thought to myself. I had been rehearsing the moment over and over again in my head.

I picked her up & we went to a Starbucks.

What I didn't plan for was all the thoughts & feelings rushing to the surface. I put so much pressure on myself and so much pressure on her to conform to my expectations that I failed to recognize that we were different people now and there was no way either of us could live up to that movie.

Our coffee date was a disaster.

Nervous, I finished my drink in 5 minutes. Went pee twice. I could barely focus or be present for our conversation. I had picked her up, but now she wanted to walk home.

Hard pill to swallow:

One-itis is bred out of loneliness.

While it wasn't the only reason, the truth is I was lonely. I had remained single for most of the 6 years I was "waiting" for her and when you throw an old high school crush in a petri dish of loneliness, one-itis is bound to grow.

Loneliness means scarcity and scarcity is a breeding ground for one-itis.

FIGHTING THE VIRUS

Here are 3 steps you can take (to stop being weird, creepy, and needy):

1) Reality check

Separate what is real from what isn't.

Was she really "the one" or was it just an enjoyable short-lived relationship?

Learn how to discern between the FACTS & the STORIES you're projecting onto her.

2) Create a new strategy

What's going to happen when you come face to face with her?

• It's too much pressure

• You're going to come off weird

• You're going to psych yourself out

This is what I experienced. I put too much pressure on both of us.

The more you live in fantasy land, the needier and creepier you become.

Attachment -> Love

She isn't the solution to all your problems.

Instead of two halves coming together to make a whole, it should be two wholes coming together for a good time. Learn how to be whole & complete without another person.

3) Discover your purpose

Nobody wants to live up to your expectations.

She isn't your reason for living.

You need to create:

1. External abundance

2. Internal abundance

External abundance:

• Meet more people

• Take more action

• Create opportunities

Internal abundance:

• Incomplete > Complete

• Hold on > Let go

• Half full > Full

All of these things take time and experience to cultivate.

While I didn't end up with the girl (this time), I did walk away with invaluable lessons and a great story. Who knows, maybe one day I'll put it up on the big screen.

Tendentum Manus Ripae Ulterioris Amore,

Mike Miller