The Dark Side of Porn: How Supernormal Stimuli Changes Our Brains

The Dark Side of Porn: How Supernormal Stimuli Changes Our Brains

I have been addicted to porn for 1/2 of my life.

I was introduced to porn at the age of 12. It was a time when both my biology and curiosity were most susceptible to the gravitational pull of pornography and the female form.

I'd buffer up some pixels on the internet, feel a surge of adrenaline and blood rush to my face, and sense the beating drum of my heart quicken as I scrolled....clicked...waded in the waters of loneliness.

It was intoxicating. It was fun. It was considered normal. It was also highly addictive...

8 years later, I was getting intimate with a woman in a college dorm room. Things were heating up, we were both having fun, but to my shock and dismay: I experienced erectile dysfunction...I was 20 years old.

Context: Up until that point I had been watching porn daily:

• I was riddled with social anxiety

• I felt a general numbness to the world and my emotions

• I felt isolated and lonely most of the time

• I relied on "pickup" strategies and covert forms of manipulation to get women to like me...

In other words: I was f*cked up.

Have you ever felt this way before?

🧠 Supernormal Stimuli

Natural selection is the process through which species adapt to their environments. It is the engine that drives evolution and has been developed over millions of years of trial and error.

Instinct is the typically fixed pattern of behavior in response to certain stimuli. It is an innate characteristic inherited from past generations.

Natural selection + Instinct = basis for animal behavior.

In the 1930s, a Dutch biologist named Nikolaas Tinbergen, began studying animals and systematically experimenting with the triggers for their behaviors. He discovered that: colors, shapes, smells, patterns, and sensations formed the root of instincts.

Tinbergen managed to successfully isolate the traits which triggered certain instincts and made an interesting discovery: the instincts had no bounds.

Once a trigger was isolated, researchers could create false stimuli and achieve the same realistic results.

Tinbergen was able to influence the behavior of animals with a new "super” stimulus that they found themselves drawn too, and which they actually preferred over the real thing.

Instinct took over, and now the animals’ behaviors were a liability to their livelihood because they simply couldn’t say no to the fake stimulus.

Sound familiar?Common examples of supernormal stimuli in our society are:

• Junk food

• Internet

• Videogames

• Pornography

We're exposed to all of the above (usually on a daily basis), but it was the last one that really had its grip on me (pun intended). I became so distracted and consumed by the super stimulus that I had no interest in real women.

Never before in history have our reptile brains been able to see so many people, let alone women with the innate characteristics that our instincts are drawn to. However, instead of procreating (and having actual sex) our brains are being tricked into submission.

My brain was convinced that watching porn & masturbating was having sex. It got so confusing that when I was face to face with a real woman, it just didn't do it for me.

Porn is one of the most controversial of the supernormal stimuli, but here are a few things that it may affect:

• Some argue that porn can evolve into a "never-ending" supply of dopamine

• It can lead to increased social isolation & loneliness

• Erectile dysfunction and skewed ideas about sex

• Low self-esteem

• Decreased energy & libido

Those are just a few of the proposed effects porn has on the brain and symptoms I myself also experienced.

What's more: porn became my drug of choice. It was my go to escape. Whenever I didn't want to feel a certain emotion (or feel at all), I'd load up my favorite videos and get sucked down the rabbit hole. In this case, porn was more of a black hole.

🔨 The Solution

We make choices to:

1. Avoid pain

2. Gain Pleasure

I had been making choices with #2 in mind until inevitably the "pleasure" became so painful that I had to make a change.

I decided to quit porn.

I underestimated how difficult this would actually be. I'd like to detail that journey in another post, but after years of trial and error I came up with a framework that has proven to be most beneficial for quitting porn altogether.

Keep in mind: I'm not a scientist, psychologist, doctor, therapist - you get the gist. I'm just a dude that got tired of his own shit.

The PFF (Porn Free Framework) Method

1. Get rid of all the porn

If you have physical porn put it in a box and throw that shit away. If its digital (like it was for me), drag it all to your trash bin; unsubscribe from any sites or lists; unfollow EVERYTHING that reminds you of porn (yes, this even means all those 🍑 models on IG).

2. Identify your triggers

When do you turn to porn?

Start to pay attention to when your hand starts to itch for your phone, for that next dopamine hit. Create a list. Literally. Do it.

3. Make a committment

Start small. If you're serious about living a porn-free lifestyle commit to a goal. Here's some examples:

• 1 week

• 1 month

• 3 months

• 6 months

• 1 year

Pick a goal that's at your edge - something that makes you uncomfortable and challenges you.

4. Accountability buddy

Find someone who can hold you accountability. If you don't no anyone you feel safe and comfortable to help you with this here are some resources:

1. https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/ (this is where I started)

2. Brain Buddy app

3. Join a mastermind community like MRM

Having someone hold you accountability means having a goal, but also having consequences if you fail. For me, when I failed my goal of achieving 6 months of no porn or masturbation it meant I had to carry 2 kettlebells 2 miles.

You pick the goal. You pick the consequence. The consequence should make you go "F*ck" when you think about failing.

(This is what of the reasons why I can now confidently say I'm 6+ months porn & masturbation free)

5. Celebrate milestones

You should set goals & consequences with your accountability, but you should also celebrate wins.

Set milestones for yourself along the way & treat 👏 yo 👏 self! 🎊

This isn't easy. If it were...everybody would be doing. (Says a lot about porn doesn't it?)

Play the long-game

Quitting porn - or anything addictive - isn't easy. It took me a few years to get to a place where I can proudly claim that my life has completely 180'd.

If you have any questions or want to celebrate your wins with me, follow me on Twitter. 

Tendentum Manus Ripae Ulterioris Amore,

Mike